


baby, don't go.

by softsuns



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Anyways, F/F, Fluff? idk her, This is so messy, and less alone about girls, but again, bye bye, do i ever write when i'm happy, i didn't feel good today, i haven't written in a long while, i love blackpink, i really /: relationship, i'm jus trying to get my ideas together, idk this is angsty, oh well, that's a no, this is like angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsuns/pseuds/softsuns
Summary: because nothing is ever right between jennie and lisa.





	baby, don't go.

In a perfect world, Jennie would've been the one.

She says she would've been the one because she knew Lisa like the back of her hand. Jennie knew that the other couldn't handle many things, she knew she couldn't stand the taste of coffee nor the sweet taste of honey. Lisa liked sleeping in her pajamas and liked it the most when her underwear matched her bra. It was the tiny things she noticed, like how she worked and worked but that didn't stop her from eating a comfortable lunch. In a perfect world, Jennie would've done shit right and she could've told everyone the truth. She would've came out and she would've walked down the streets while holding Lisa's hand. She would've taken her on cute dates and they would've shared kisses in the ice cream parlor. She could've taken her to meet her parents too.

But this sadly wasn't a perfect world and everything was a mess.

Kim Jennie was a mess.

"You're such a fucking coward," Lisa hissed.

In their two years together, she had never seen Lisa so hurt. Her bright eyes were drenched in anger, betrayal and a faint line of hatred. The trail of tears was so evident on her face that she simply couldn't grasp the courage to speak up. She wanted to reach out and apologize thoroughly, get on her knees and beg for forgiveness. She wanted to hold Lisa and promise a forever. But she knew deep inside that she was delusional. She was nothing more than chicken shit and every single thing she'd promise, she wouldn't do. She was paranoid and she wouldn't hold her hand sometimes. She was scared of being judged, of being criticized- But here she was, trying to validate how she treated Lisa.

Lisa didn't deserve this. She deserved somebody who'd flaunt her, somebody who'd walk the streets with her and not care if they were being watched. Somebody who wouldn't care if they were being loud together. She deserved a happy ending.

"Lisa," She started and frankly, she never got the chance to end her sentence.

"I don't want to hear you. Please. I want to finish packing my things and just... leave." She pleaded, "I trusted you. I can't even face you right now. I don't think I want to. I wasn't enough for you. That's the blank truth. I'm so little that you fucked a guy in our bed. In the bed we've shared over the course of twenty four months. The bed where I'd kiss you every morning, every night, I... You're disgusting." Her hand was over her mouth and her eyes were shut as she sobbed. She couldn't stop crying. Jennie had never seen her as bad as this, and now that she had; it was her fault.

Jennie herself didn't know. She didn't know why she couldn't get over her fear. She knew it was normal to be afraid and Lisa never gave her shit for it. But for two years? When they lived together and spoke about getting married? She didn't know why her fear, she knew her parents wouldn't say anything. She knew they'd accept her and that her friends would embrace her lovingly. Lisa would always comfort her and tell her that she'd only wait. Which made it worse. Lisa was so willing to wait, she was so willing to wait for her happy ending with her and she had to go ahead and cheat. She didn't know why she did it- She was sober.

She remembers when he left. When her head came to contact with Lisa's and this crackle settled between her lungs.

Jennie cheated on her girlfriend.

"I'm done with my things here. I'm heading to the room."

"Please don't go, please let me explain," Jennie begged and she reached for Lisa's arm. She wanted to pull her closer. Lisa reacted violently and shoved Jennie away. She wrapped her loose arms around herself, trying to console herself and receive the love that she had been coldly deprived of. She was crying, dragging her feet as she made her way to their old shared room. Jennie felt bile rise.

It had been the first time Lisa had come in the room after the whole incident and she simply felt sick. They weren't a perfect relationship half of the time but this was the icing on the cake. She could wait- Because she could. But she brought somebody and fucked on their bed. She remembers the night when they bought the apartment together, they had no power and they were simply talking with a single candle in between them. They slept in the bed frame since the mattress wasn't arriving till the next day. They were uncomfortable on the floor, but they had never been happier. She had never been happy at least.

Lalisa was out. She had came out to everybody in the eighth grade with no hesitation. It was the first day of class, she was the transfer student and she simply did it. She knew that was a grave mistake, but she was tired of hiding. She fixed her bangs and held her nose high. The girl heard insults all day, but frankly, she wasn't bothered. It was going to take time for everybody to get used to it and she only had to wait. Jennie was charmed by her boldness and decided to befriend her, she thought that maybe she needed a friend. But soon sleepovers were getting too hard because Lisa wasn't that little girl anymore and Jennie really wanted to kiss her.

She was so beautiful that Jennie was just stunned.

"You even left my pillow there. God, I hate you." Lisa laughed bitterly and Jennie knew she was hurt. She knew that the other wouldn't ever say those words. It just wasn't her.

"You don't hate me, I made a mistake but you don't hate me... Right?" She whispered. She only trying to comfort herself.

"I hate you, Jennie. I mean it. I despise you." Lisa lied through her teeth. Her eyes finally left the bed and she could only catch sight of their picture together. It was a happy picture, it was their one year anniversary and both of them were drunk on wine. The only thing Lisa wanted to do was to break everything, drop the photo, rip the sheets and crash everything to the god damn floor. But Jennie was human. And she loved Jennie. so she didn't. She only reached for the photo and placed it face down. She didn't want to cause any emotional damage.

"I do hate you. I was told how dangerous it was to fall in love with you. You're a straight girl that's confused-"

"Don't assume-"

"And don't cut me off. You cheated on me with a guy, our friend. I was so comfortable with him and you just did it. It's obvious that you had feelings for him in the first place, did you even fucking love me?" Lisa snapped and for the first time, she faced her. She looked into her eyes and Jennie took notice of the bags under her eyes. She swore her heart broke and she couldn't say anything. She didn't dare to.

"After two years, Jennie. I thought you loved me, you know? Why didn't you love me enough to flaunt me? You were only proud of me when we were fucked up. Why did you think I liked drinking in the first place? But obviously, you don't care. You slept with him. Did you even think about me? How much it hurts? I- I don't..." She hesitated, "I don't want to this anymore. I'm over it."

"What are you implying?"

"I don't want to be with you anymore."

No.

Please.

Now Jennie felt it. She felt like her chest was empty and her heart had been left at bay. Everything that held her together had disappeared in that second. The fire inside her chest had disappeared in a matter of seconds. She watched silently as Lisa reached for her jewelry box. Jennie had given it to her a few years back, it had a beautiful swan on the very top and it was made in elegant glass. She seemed delusional, she was trying to connect all the dots and hoping that it means something. She felt so cold, empty and heavy. She wanted to yell at herself, she was so stupid, so dumb. Why did she have to cheat?

"No, Lisa wait." She whispered faintly and Lisa was too hurt to stop. She simply walked out of the room and soon out of the house. Jennie simply stood there and she couldn't believe this was actually happening. She didn't know why this was happening, why she couldn't be a good girlfriend to Jennie. She hated herself so much at this precise moment. She was tired of being afraid, she wanted to go out with Lisa and not worry.

It was a nice spring day. It was a few days before their spring break and the air was so fresh that you could smell the falling petals. The bees were dancing in harmony and Jennie wasn't exactly fond of spring, but right now she didn't care. She knew her neighbors would have a good look of everything happening and how she looked like a human disaster with tears down her face but she couldn't care less.

Lisa was taller than Jennie. It was a few inches but there were still there. Jennie couldn't stop staring at her figure and how she was letting her go away. She didn't notice how messy Lisa actually looked. Her recently dyed hair auburn hair was pulled into the messiest bun, she was wearing this jacket which was too big for her and her flip flops didn't even match. With each step, realization seeped in and Jennie stepped in.

"I don't know what I want, Lisa." She spoke up and Lisa stopped. "That's probably not what you want to hear and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have cheated on Tae and I was sober. I was sober, I don't know why I did that. I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of hiding my feelings and I know it's my own fault. I kept you hidden for all these years. I want you, Lisa. I do. I want to go on dates with you, I want to cry with you and I want to dance with you. Just you, please..."

Lisa shook her head and she only heard. She didn't expect Jennie to say anything. She took a shaky breath and she looked over her shoulder, she knew that was a mistake. She wanted to run towards her and kiss her. She loved her so much. She really did. But Jennie had to learn. She had to grow.

"I can't. I'm so sorry."

And Jennie had never felt so cold.


End file.
